It's like looking in a mirror

I was reading the Metro website this morning and saw a picture of Cheryl Cole performing on this weekend's X-Factor.

It got me thinking.....I remember when she used to be a totally bad ass WWE wrestler...

Fun and Games

So, Liz and I still have 7 weeks until the final day at work the boredom has truely set in. And so in an effort to avoid our brains turning to goo we have decided to create a comprehensive guide to games you can make and play in the office.

GAME 1:Redundancy Draughts

Based entirely on the classic board game draughts except with a board made with materials you can find in the office.

To make Redundancy Draughts you will need:
The cardboard back of a A4 note pad
Scissors
Black and red marker pens.

Step 1: Measure and cut out a square from the card that is 8 inches by 8 inches. Marking each inch with a pencil.
Step 2: Draw in the squares. The squares should be 8 squares by 8. 64 squares.
Step 3: Using the black marker pen colour in alternative squares until you have a draughts board
Step 4: Using the rest of the card cut out 24 small circles. These are your counters. Colour 12 red and 12 black.

Redundancy draughts works best when played between opposite desks. The you can hide the fact you are actually playing a game by positioning the board behind your computers rather than actually doing any work.

ENJOY THE GAME!!!

There will be more games over the next few weeks. Tell your friends and spread the fun!

Hanging tough...

I have now applied for 23 jobs with others in varying stages of completion and i'm starting to flag. I have had 6 rejections, I have 1 interview and the others have not replied (as yet). The stress is starting to hurt if i'm honest. I'm motivated to keep going but i'm starting to worry if I can maintain it.
The monotony of looking for a job when people don't even reply is awful. It's like living in limbo.
Meanwhile it's now 9 weeks and counting until my final day here. It can't come soon enough and my fingers are continually crossed that someone will mention the golden words..."gardening leave"!!!

I'm also working on my top 5 dream jobs. Not unsimilar to THE LIST of top 5 dream jobs probably

Rob Gordon's Top 5 Dream Jobs

Journalist for Rolling Stone magazine, 1976 to 1979
Producer, Atlantic Records, 1964 to 1971
Any kind of musician, besides classical or rap
Film director, any kind except German or silent
Architect (replace by record store owner


I was thinking...
Journalist for Select, Melody Maker and NME early to mid nineties
Producer, Motown or Stax
Anything at Nasa in the 50s so I could wear cool glasses and have pens in my pocket
List compiler - obviously this isn't a real job but it should be
record store owner (if record shops still had the potential to be anything but a money pit)

I'll keep thinking....

Damn it feels good to be a gangster....

I am now 2 and a half months away from unemployment and i'll be honest panic is beginning to set in.

I am finding myself agonising over the vicious circle of getting up and going to work every single day when I know that if I didn't turn up I don't think anyone would notice. I have applied for a mountain of jobs and as yet think i've only had replies from 3!! I actually went on a website today for Reed recruitment which, next to each job on offer, tells you how many people have applied for it. Now, what i will tell you here is that this does NOT instill you with any kind of confidence when embarking on the daunting task of finding post-redundancy work...oh no...for one job only there were 347 applicants!!!

This is a worry.

I increasingly believe that no one reads application forms and they just pick the contestants out of a hat or maybe pick the one's that sound like they might be HOT.
Dunno....

Anyway, my tactics have changed slightly and as "R" day draws ever closer I have started to apply for Christmas temp jobs in shops. I like shops. I worked in them for a very very long time and I actually think I would really enjoy working in one again. The crack is good and your days go a lot faster if you get to interact with people and don't just sit behind a desk. However, maybe I'm too old to be a Christmas temp, they'll all be hanging around the tea room talking about Lady Gaga and Laroux and I'll be outside smoking and listening to Stevie Wonder. Yes I can still kick it...but can I still kick it?? If you know what I mean. I'll be an almost 30 year old woman chillin with 17 year old emo kids discussing the merits of Fall Out Boy.

To be fair, this might not actually happen cos one of the shops I've applied to is Collectables. Ahhh Collectables - home to Lilliputt figures and Radley Bags. I can converse with collegues about wool and Barker and Stonehouse furniture. I may be turning into Mark Corrigan.
Balls!

Anyway I guess we'll see what happens but i'm crossing both fingers to get the job working in the sorting office for Royal mail where I can pretend I'm Buddy in Elf!

I want to go to the Maaaarket

To fulfill my lifetime ambition of being just like Cosmo and Dibs I am doing the Star and Shadow craft market. And I am shitting myself.
Who would have thought knitting could be so stressful????!!!!


I

Have you ever felt like you're not getting the whole story???????

Giggity

The past week has been fuller than a Walkers grab bag.... of gigs.

Firstly, The crowning glory of gigs, maybe ever but only time will tell, opening night of The Specials reunion tour.

FUCKING AWESOME. Simple as that. Sitting in Rafferty's beforehand was like being in an episode of Ashes to Ashes (if only Gene Hunt was there). I have never seen so much well intended but ill-fitting Fred Perry in my life. The atmosphere inside the gig was pretty much as electric as I have ever known a gig to be. I imagine once you get older and your favourite bands are no more you never really beleive that they might actually reappear when you've all grows up and you've all but given up hope. This is obviously how I would feel should Jarvis ever see fit to tie up his disco shoes ever once again.

It's was amazing. Terry Hall has grown into his sallow face and actually developed a personality. Nite Klub alone is now ranked in my top ten best gig moments....ever. Note to self: This is a good top ten avenue to explore.



Secondly, Alan Rake and the Rakes. I like seeing bands that I have liked for a while and their star has started to fade a little bit. Obviously this isn't their ideal career trajectory and slightly selfish on my part but seeing band members wandering around the pub before the gig makes me feel cool in strange way. When I was a teenager that is something I would have thought was definitely very cool. Smoking outside in close proximity to the guitarist from the Rakes. Sweeeeet.

They were great. Of course they were it's Alan 'n' that. They play fast, talk fast and encourage people to drink on a school night. I like this. Didn't do Work, work, work though...bummer.



Finally, Doves. No one's favourite band but everybody loves them. The new songs sounded awesome. I love how people always seem to be swept away with them. Especially if they haven't seen them before. They have a real knack of putting you under their spell. I think that the constant, pounding (not the drum beat of Pounding...well maybe) is actually a form of Manc voodoo.


All in all a very good week

My name is Stacy

I have so far had a very good week. I only mention it because it seems odd for me to have had so much good fortune in such a short space of time.

This is all due, i'm sure to the good deed I did on Easter Monday when, on my way home from Wilkinsons, I was asked by an old woman who lives up the road if I would go to the shop and get her some milk. I did, of course.

Since then I have managed to buy a top and a pair of jeans straight away when i've gone looking for them (this does not ever happen - too short or not enough boob room usually). I bought 2 birthday presents and got money off both of them when I came to pay, once as a shock mis-pricing incident and then by using one of those "online-evoucher-shopping-code-website-thingys".

I sold some more knitting patterns and I now have my very own shiney car!!!! Life is GOOD.

Toot toot...aaaaahhhh.....beep beep

I passed my driving test today. Hazaar!

kerr-ching!!

I sold a pattern. I'm very pleased. £1.49 in my pocket.

"I love the smell of commerce in the morning..."

Well, I finally bit the bullet yesterday and stopped fantasizing about how to make a spot of extra folding and actually did it. I put my first ever kntting pattern for sale on ebay. Woohoo!

It's for a tortoise that I made the other night whilst in one of my obsessive-must get this finished cos it'll be brilliant- moments.

It is pretty brilliant.....I think.

Ai-ya!!!! It hurts

I am currently working on several top secret birthday projects. (Why are the majority of my friends born in March or April? This is no good to me because my birthday is at the start of May and I'm usually skint by then and it's bank holiday week. Boo). All gifts are wool related, all of them are awesome.
I wish I could spend my days at home knitting like a withered old crone with massive wrinkles in my forehead from squinting and concentrating too much. Actually.......I don't wish that at all. That is not a hot look......and i'm half way there already. What I mean to say is if I stay at my current place of work any longer I may implode. It's genuinely making me feel sick. Over the past week I've had terrible stomach pains when leaving work and I'm fairly convinced (because I'm a google doctor) that the stress of the past couple of weeks is causing me severe internal trouble. Sitting at home knitting secret pressies seems like a much better way to past the time.

As a small disclaimer: If you are one of the top secret present recipients I'm not tellig you what they are so don't guess....cos you'll guess right and i'll go in a mood.

A hat n that

This is the new baby B-boy peaked hat I made for my friend's baby girl. It's pretty G like.

"She's ignoring me. Of course, she's ignoring me. I sent her a swastika"

I heard a conversation this morning which was so misjudged it could have been from Peep show.
There's a woman in my office who has cancer (obviously this is horrible). She was talking to a bloke about how she has to go to the hospital during the week.
He said "do you have to go every night?"
"No, 3 nights a week" she replied
"Ah, it's not too bad then..." !!!!!!!
Well, no it's pretty bad. In fact I can't think of too many things that are worse.

Fool.

Passed. And now for a good night's sleep

Yesterday I passed my theory test. I'm not sure if this was due to the 3 days of mind-fucking-numbing reading of the Highway code and theory questions or because I was so nervous my shaking hand was clicking the mouse for me (this is not a euphamisim) during the hazard perception. If only i'd known my nerve damaged hands had a 6th sense for anticipating imminent danger. This information could have helped me avoid several pitfalls in recent times.

Anyway, now that's done with onwards (like William G Stewart) to real grown up driving. And finally having a good night's sleep.
Although last night I did dream that I was at a market near a beach having a debate with Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall and Jerry Springer.

Mirror, Signal, Manouvre

In between watching back to back episodes of 24: Day 6 i've been trying to learn my driving theory for my test on Wednesday.

Now, I don't quite understand why I need to know most of the information contained in the Highway code but should I ever see an incident in a tunnel i'll be sure to re-tune my radio when I emerge and definitely not offer any injured party a cigarette....cos they're mine.

Apparently, for the hazard perception part you can actually cheat the system and because I know this i'm inclined to do it but then I'll proabaly balls the whole thing up and it costs 30 quid a pop! So, no Stacy. This is not a good idea.

Somewhere I'd much rather be....

Hooray!! The snow has finally come. I'd much rather be in the pub than sat at my desk with soggy feet but what can you do.

Now that's what I call music........

On Christmas Eve I vowed that I would not return to Chester-le-Street until Christmas Eve 2009. So far i've been there twice already. Once in January on a mis-adventure to watch Sunderland play Middlesbrough and today on a quest to find my GCSE certificates (they should tell you that one day you might actually need them. It cost £35 to replace them). I found them in a box in the cupboard under the stairs nestled with the really old encylopedia's I loved when I was a kid. There were loads of volumes but for some reason I only ever had a few of them. I definitely had "H" and "P" but "F" was my favourite. There were 2 pages which had pictures of all the flags of the world. For some reason they fascinated me. I think it was an early step towards my relentless gathering of pointless information which some day I will use for good in a pub quiz. It's quite similar to when my Grandad used to test me on all the names of English League football grounds on Friday nights when we used to stay over. This was usually followed by fish and chips and a night of Open All Hours, dominoes and cards. I loved those nights.

So, Chester-le-Street......It's a funny place. It used to be so busy all the time. But now, every time I go back the 'Street' is empty. Last time we went (for the football), front street was desolate. It was the week that Woolworths closed. It seemed to have a weird effect. Like for most of us that shop was always around. I'd buy toys and sweets there when I was little, and then it was the only place you could buy singles in the 90s when buying singles was a weekly occurance and not the rarity it is now. Anyway, I don't like going home. I don't really know why. Sometimes it feels a bit like defeat. By that I mean that I like to think i've evolved from the geeky, shy ginger girl I was then into a taller, awkward redhead! Chester carries a lot of ghosts. I know there are people I used to go to school with who haven't left....ever. They have their kids, their houses and inevitably their divorces. I don't want to be like that. I never have. But going home makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong and they are the ones that got it right. Maybe they did........I doubt it though.

Enough maudlin musings.
Whilst rummaging around in the loft this afternoon I found a big bag of tapes. Oh there were some hidden gems. Now 10!!!! Now 10!!! I can actually recall almost every detail about the day my dad bought it. It starts with Barcelona and I can picture me standing on the sofa giving it some opera....big style. It's a classic.

Right I'm going to stop whinging about nothing and watch a bit more of day 6. Go on Bauer!!!

I'm still waiting for snow. The false dawn of wearing wellies in real life on Monday was ill advised. I don't think i'll be doing it again. Something, however, has to be done about how cold this bloody house is!!! I haven't taken an official temperature reading but it may be about minus-the North Pole.
The problem is the window in the living room. It may as well not have any glass in it at all and instead of masquerading as a window admit to us all that it is just a big space of air framed by some rotting, flaking wood. I think it's giving me chillblains (sic). I had chillblains (sic) when I was a kid and had to wear my bumble bee slippers to school. They looked better than the wellies.
Anyway it's bloody cold and is no coincidence that the hot water bottle to people ratio in this house is roughly 2:1.

Let it snow....

Jon Snow on Channel 4 news is enjoying this weather. He just got to stand behind a graphic saying "SNOW" and then went on to describe how he is bringing London to a standstill.

We haven't even got any snow. We had some on Monday. I went to work in my Wellies. Its the only time they have ever been worn outside the confines of a muddy festival site. They actually still had Glastonbury mud all over them. Mucky pup.



On to boring tales of knitting. I made the greatest thing I have ever knitted last week. To be fair, it was a project which went against everything I have ever held good and true. I made a Middlesbrough Football Club hotwater bottle cover. As a Sunderland fan this was a struggle. But it was much appreciated and in return i'm being rewarded with Carbonara later this week!! Yay!!



And by the way....it was NEVER a penalty!!!!!

I've been knitting a patchwork bag since Christmas and i'm finally about to finish it. I am a bit concerned that spending time kntting all these things will make me not want to part with them when i'm done. But realistically, how many knitted bags does a 28 year old actually need?
All of these cold, winter nights spent watching the West Wing and tangling myself up in wool have made my hands shake even more. For anyone I do know who may read this will understand that's a lot of shaking. So i've suffered for my art!
Watching River Cottage last night made me remember that the only reason I started doing this in the first place was because it was too cold to grow veg. Turns out I'm a fan of seasonal hobbies.

This past week I've been trying not to skip any songs when I do a shuffle on my ipod. This is an impossible task. Apparently I only want to listen to about 40% of the songs I have on there. It may be time for a cull. Itunes 8 and an afternoon of painstakingly checking tracklists awaits. I don't know who I'm trying to kid that this won't be the best afternoon spent in the world....ever. Only topped by reorganising all of my CDs into some random order which will make it easier for me to find songs I can't remember the names of on that album.....you know..... that one!!
The main problem with the songs I don't want to listen to is that I always put on tracks that I think I might like and then don't listen to them because I don't know them.
The moral of the story......it's what you like, not what you're like.